Esther’s Fragments

Stories gathered in the light. A diary of memory, ritual, and becoming.
These are personal reflections shaped by the waking world - where silence holds meaning, and the self reveals itself in fragments.

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Esther's Fragments
The Girl I Put on the Mail
Esther Derksen
The Girl I Put on the Mail
Esther Derksen

When I was at their concerts, I felt truly free, able to be myself, and happy. When I wrote to him, I felt safe, a sense of kinship, and when he thanked me for my letters, I felt seen. So I poured my heart out. It may sound silly, but Robert and The Radios were my lifeline in those days.

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Esther Derksen
The Girl I Locked Away
Esther Derksen
The Girl I Locked Away
Esther Derksen

"I feel such deep sadness for my younger self, surrounded by friends, yet so incredibly alone."
This is a reflection on the girl I once locked away, the memories I buried, and the quiet courage it takes to open the box again.

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Esther Derksen
The Beast within
Esther Derksen
The Beast within
Esther Derksen

The gardens where the dead rest in hallowed grounds. Where their monuments remind us of our mortality, and where new life slowly overgrows and crumbles the markers made of marble. As a young child, I always felt drawn to these places, and at the same time, I was terrified that at night these peaceful grounds of remembrance would turn into something sinister. I felt that the silence held something more than just peace, something otherworldly, though I could never quite name it.

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Esther Derksen
I Wish
Esther Derksen
I Wish
Esther Derksen

“I wish I could be like a bird in the sky…”When I first heard these words, they weren’t sung by Nina Simone, who performed "I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free" so beautifully, with so many layers of emotion and meaning. The first time I heard this song, it was performed by the Belgian band The Radios

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Esther Derksen

Unrushed, Uncertain, and Free

How to allow yourself the time to discover?

When the Hustle Breaks you: Part 2
Esther Derksen Esther Derksen

When the Hustle Breaks you: Part 2

Burnout didn’t hit me like an explosion. It crept in slowly, quietly. In this post, I share what burnout felt like from the inside: the overstimulation, guilt, isolation, and how I began to listen to myself again. It's a story of unraveling, and slowly, finding my way back.

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